Section 3: First Understand: Shift from “That’s Wrong” to “Tell Me More”
- The Trap of "Wrong Spotting": We often reflexively listen to feedback with the goal of finding what is incorrect, unfair, or unhelpful so we can dismiss it; however, this instinct ultimately defeats learning
- Vague Generic Labels: Feedback usually arrives packaged in vague labels (e.g., "be more proactive" or "act your age") that contain little nutritional value and are interpreted differently by the giver and the receiver
- Investigating "Where It's Coming From": To move past labels, you must uncover the giver's data (the raw observations they made) and their interpretation (the story or meaning they attached to those observations)
- Investigating "Where It's Going": It is equally important to clarify the forward-looking part of feedback: for coaching, this means clarifying specific advice for change; for evaluation, this means clarifying consequences and expectations
- Shift to "Difference Spotting": Instead of arguing about who is right, move toward understanding why you and the giver see things differently due to having different data or different implicit rules
- Looking for "What's Right": Intentionally adopt a mindset to find valid elements in the feedback or concerns you have in common with the giver, which provides traction for a productive conversation
- Accepting Subjectivity: Because all feedback is influenced by the giver's own autobiography—their values, assumptions, and life experiences—judgment and interpretation can never be fully removed from the process
Section 3 First Understand Shift from Thats Wrong to Tell
0:00
/1319.357823
